just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
