hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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