and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
