I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
