Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
