smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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