There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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