I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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