I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
