I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
