I'm eating all of the evidence.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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