its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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