I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize