Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
