Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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