There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
smell my finger.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
