i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
