i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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