why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
