I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize