He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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