Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
