i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I look better un-naked...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
