AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
