wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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