Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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