my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
