If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
