I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
