Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
