We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
