Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
