fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
