Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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