The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize