Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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