why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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