we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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