Duck Duck Cougar?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
