I have demons in me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
