And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
