A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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