I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
