I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
