whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
