He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
