i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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