to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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