im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
