Your face is a jimmy john
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
