So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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