I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
