You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
