She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
