And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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