Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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