Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
