We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
