there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You need Xanax blowdarts
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
