Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
