That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
