ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
