We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
