Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
