best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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