Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
