woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I understand Curling. That high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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