i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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