I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
