So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
