is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
