and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
