The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
