M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So much Jack, so little girl.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
