I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
