whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So. Much. Porn.
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