Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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