If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
