well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
