So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
