You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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