i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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