Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
