He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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