It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
