you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
