Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
