thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
