Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
