3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
