I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
