found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
