I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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