Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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