I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize