recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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