i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
