i don't like sucking hair
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize